My Serenity Read online

  Elijah released a sound as if I had punched him in the gut and then rolled his eyes. “Love you too, man,” he grumbled, then his tone changed to one of excitement. “What do you think? I was thinking of proposing to Alex here. This is our special place. It’s where I brought her on our first date. No one knows about this place—well, you’re the second person now.”

  He stopped jabbering and looked at me when I didn’t answer. “I’m the second?” I stared at him hard. “I’ve been your best friend forever and you never brought me here? So…you’re only asking me to come to your special place because you want something from me?”

  He ruffled the hair at the back of his head and gave me an apologetic smile. His whole face lit up. “Come on, Seth. You know how much you mean to me. Don’t be jealous.”

  Though I was just giving him a hard time, the way he was joking sounded disgusting and wrong to me, like we were lovers or something. “All right, all right. It’s fine. I’m just giving you a hard time. So—besides it being the place you had your first date, why here? There’s nothing here.” I threw my arms about, looking for something to make this place more appealing besides the view.

  Elijah looked at me as if I were crazy. “Seriously? You don’t see the potential?”

  “The view is nice. And there are trees and bushes. I’m sure the night will bring out the colors of the city, making it all uhh, sparkly…and pretty.” I couldn’t think of any desirable adjectives to make this place sound as nice as he wanted it to be.

  Elijah rubbed his finger across his chin, then strutted closer to the edge. “This is where I’m going to set up the tent.” Then he walked away from his imaginary tent in a straight line. “This is where Alex will walk down to the tent, but there will be rose petals along the white flooring I’m going to create for her.” Elijah pointed to the trees to the left and right of him. “Those trees will be decorated with sparkling lights, and I’m going to place electric candles everywhere and make this place glow like a motherfucker.”

  “Wow.” I stared at him in awe. “I knew there was that romantic side of you, but you just made me fall in love with you, hard.”

  “Yeah—and I bet you wished it was returned.” He chuckled. “That ain’t happening.”

  “Real funny. But seriously, she’s going to be happy. I mean, really happy. Got any plans for uhh—you know, just in case?” I twitched my brows.

  “Get your mind out of where my mind is right now. None of your goddamn business—” he started to say, then softened his tone. Like always, he caved in, “I have stuff.” He did that funny grip to the collar of his T-shirt with both hands like a badass, then turned back to the imaginary tent area.

  I shuffled my shoe against the dirt. “Like what?” I knew I was being nosey, but I wanted to know. Elijah was a natural when it came to asking girls out. He was always the one with the smooth words and moves. Romance was his specialty. “Come get me. I’m hot” was written all over his mannerisms, his looks, and just simply his presence. Girls turned their heads when he walked into the room. He demanded attention before he had even said a word. I wasn’t jealous. I just wished he could give me a tiny piece of the charisma that came so easily to him.

  Elijah looked like he was in deep thought when he turned to me. “Still working on that part, but I was thinking about bringing a blow-up mattress and blankets. You’re available on that date to help me, right?”

  I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the date he’d mentioned to me several months ago when I was up in Berkeley. “Yup, I’m all yours.”

  His smile was contagious. “Great. I can’t wait. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. Did you get the ring?”

  “I did.” He looked at his watch. “Shit. I have to go. I can’t be late for work.”

  “Who’s going to bring Alex here?” I asked before he could sprint to his car.

  “Lexy will bring her. I just need you to help bring all the equipment and help me set up.”

  “Sure. No problem.” I gazed at Elijah warmly. “I can’t believe in a month you’re going to be engaged. I knew it would happen one day; I just didn’t know it would happen this soon and that you would be the first.”

  Elijah rested his hand on my shoulder. “I can’t believe it either, but when you know that person is your forever, you go for it. Why wait? Life is unpredictable. You just never know what can happen.”

  I broke my gaze and looked down at my shoes. “Yeah, I know,” I said somberly, thinking of my dad. Elijah had been through his mother’s suicide and the death of his younger brother to leukemia, so I knew he understood how I felt. But being that my loss was so recent, I couldn’t keep the tears from pooling in my eyes.

  My dad’s death happened suddenly and was a major shock to all of us. I was sure my dad’s heart attack was due to stress and lack of attention to his diet, especially with all the sodas and junk food he consumed. He’d never exercised, nor did he try to change his eating habits. Mom’s nagging didn’t help; her words went in one ear and out the other. He had weighed well over what was considered healthy.

  That was one of the reasons why I’d shaped up and started exercising again. All that beer and partying had added a few extra pounds. I didn’t have a girlfriend and I didn’t care to impress any girls. But while rooming with Jimmy, Alex’s cousin, up in Berkeley, I’d gotten a few reminders that I was gaining weight, so I had started working out at the gym with him. I was almost back to feeling like myself again.

  Elijah placed the other hand on my shoulder, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, Seth. I know how hard it’s been for you and your family. If there’s anything I can do, you know I’m here for you. If you need an extra hand at the restaurant or the shop, don’t hesitate to ask. And don’t hesitate to ask Alex either.”

  “You’ve been great, Elijah. I love my brother and sister, but you’ve always been like a brother to me. You’ve always been there when I needed you.” My voice cracked a little and I gulped down my tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. He’d already seen enough of that from me at my dad’s funeral.

  Elijah draped his arm around my shoulders, leading us back to our cars. “Thanks. You’ve been there for me too. That’s what friends are for.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged, even though I agreed.

  Elijah unlocked his car and got inside. As he started his engine, I got in my car. When his window rolled down, I rolled my passenger’s side one down also to listen to what he had to say.

  “I see that you’ve started working out again. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. There was a point in my life when I didn’t give a fuck, but you have to. There’s no choice. You have to move on.”

  “I know,” I agreed.

  “You’re coming tomorrow, right? To Lexy’s birthday dinner party?”

  “Yup.”

  “Do you need a ride there?” Elijah asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Back to the restaurant, Mama Rose. My mom isn’t feeling well.”

  “Okay. See you then.” He waved and drove off.

  CHAPTER 2

  Seth

  I walked in the front door of my parents’ house after I had closed up our restaurant. All the lights were off except for the family room. Though I had lived in the same house all my life, it didn’t feel like home without my dad. Our home used to smell like sugar and spice and was always filled with loud voices and laughter. Now it was occupied with darkness and pain, paired with sadness and tears. Passing down the hall to the kitchen, I purposely looked away from the photos on the wall. Every step felt like forever as my legs dragged like they weighed a ton. It gave me no joy to reminisce about the past, but it was inevitable.

  I could see my dad welcoming me home with a hug when I would visit from grad school, filling me up with the smell of oil and grease, even after he’d showered. He would ask me a bunch of questions, and then we would sit down together and have a beer.
r />   “How’s school, Son?” Dad was holding a beer bottle in his hand, and his deep voice rumbled through the living room.

  I plopped beside him, holding mine. “School is school, Dad. Not much to talk about. It’s stressful, but I can’t complain. I’m lucky to be there. It’s like a rat race. Everyone starts at the same starting line, but who will end up at the finish line? That’s going to be me.” I pointed at my chest.

  Dad patted my leg. “That’s my son. I’m so proud of you. I didn’t have that opportunity, but your mom and I are lucky. We have smart kids.” Dad beamed proudly, then took a sip of his beer. “You know, Seth, you’ve always been good at building things. You could practically run the shop on your own. If school becomes too much and you find yourself not happy, you know you have something to fall back on.” His pale-blue eyes sparkled when he talked about his shop. “People don’t need stress in their lives. Stress only makes the body weaker. You should enjoy what you do for a living. That’s my philosophy.” He chuckled and took a long gulp.

  I twirled my bottle, watching the liquid frame the glass in swirls. The truth was…I didn’t want to tell him that I wanted something more for myself. That I wanted to live in a big city with a high-powered job and leave Charles Town, West Virginia, where I’d lived all my life. Not that I was ashamed of what my father did, but I wanted to do something that was more respectable. And a part of me felt guilty for having those thoughts, the reason I looked away from the family photos. I had never been embarrassed about what my father did. Everyone thought he was cool. They all wanted to check out his shop. They envied me when I spent time there with my dad. “I agree with you. I’ll drink to that.” Our bottles clinked.

  “At least you come home to see us. Simon hardly comes home. He rarely calls. And Sara—well, she only calls when she needs money.” Dad leaned into me, holding up his bottle. “You’re my favorite; you know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do. I also know that you love all of your children the same. I’m sure you complain to Simon about me. And I’m sure you tell all your kids that they are your favorite.”

  Dad almost spit out his drink. “How do you know?”

  “You should know, Dad.” I paused. “Your three children—we talk. We might not talk like we used to, but we do.” I winked.

  Dad gave me a defeated grin.

  “Doesn’t feel like home without you, Dad,” I mumbled under my breath, breaking my thoughts from the past and trying to forget the emptiness that filled my heart. I surrendered to this moment of silence in the memory of my dad and released a deep sigh. Heading for the kitchen with a container of leftovers from the restaurant in my hands, I tiptoed along the hard wooden floor. I figured Mom would want some chicken soup in the morning, since she wasn’t feeling well.

  After opening the fridge, I set the dish inside and closed the door. As soon as I turned, I jerked back from fright. My heart jumped out of my chest and then drummed mercilessly. “Mom? What are you doing?”

  Mom was seated on the sofa with her feet on the dark-brown ottoman. A red blanket covered her up to her neck. I thought I’d seen a ghost from the dim light reflected on her pale face. Since she didn’t say anything, I went to her.

  “Mom—are you okay?” I raised my hand to her forehead to check her temperature. No fever.

  “I’m tired, Seth,” she mumbled, but it was hardly audible. She was so still that if I hadn’t seen the blanket rise and fall, I would have thought the worst. “I want to sleep, but I can’t. I’m waiting for your dad to come home. I won’t sleep until he comes home.”

  “Mom—“ I started to say. Her words stabbed at my heart. I had to take a moment to soak up her words, wishing Dad really were on his way home. I was just about to tell her that Dad wasn’t coming home, reminding her that he was gone, but I decided she was too tired and didn’t know what she was saying.

  It had been three months. Never once had she shown any sign of denial. Mom had ran the restaurant all by herself and had one employee, Kevin, she’d trusted to run Dad’s body shop after he passed away. She had even arranged the funeral without our help. I was able to stay for a couple of weeks after the funeral to help her settle legal things, but I went back since I still had ten weeks of the semester left. I was going to drop out for that semester, but Mom insisted I finish. She convinced me she would be fine, and somehow, she got her way.

  Helping my mom up, I said, “Mom, Dad’s on his way home. Let me help you up. You can wait for him in bed. He won’t be happy to see you like this.” I meant the last sentence. He wouldn’t want her to be like this. He would want her to be happy and smiling. Dad had always been really good to Mom, always tended to her needs. Not only was he a great dad, he was the best husband. Their high school romance blossomed and never died, persevering through struggles and temptation. It was meant to be.

  “Did he tell you he was coming home?” Mom yawned, dragging her feet across the beige carpet then to the wooden floor, leaning on me for support.

  “Yes, Mom,” I fibbed, making sure my arm was securely around her. “I’ll tuck you in bed. You can rest there while you wait for Dad.”

  I helped her up the stairs, turned left down the hallway, and finally reached her bedroom. This room felt just as cold and empty as the rest of the house. Mom hadn’t packed up any of Dad’s things, not that I had expected her to. I knew it was silly of me to think that way, but I felt like any minute now Dad would walk in.

  Even though it was summer, the hot weather hadn’t really kicked in. Perhaps the sun was just as sad as I was and couldn’t give off enough energy. I didn’t want to cover her, but Mom reached for the blanket.

  “Here, Mom. I got this.” I made sure she was comfortable, gave her a kiss, and left the room to wash up.

  I picked up a photo of my dad from my dresser and tears I’d tried to keep at bay broke through. We had taken this picture last summer at his shop—Phil’s Auto Shop. Our love of cars was what had bonded us, and now it was gone. He’d taught me everything I knew about cars: how to change oil, replace a tire and balance them. How to change spark plugs and even rebuild the whole damn engine.

  Why Dad? Why did you have to leave us? I let the tears stream down my face as the ache in my heart squeezed my chest until there were no tears left to shed. As air puffed out of my mouth, I felt nothing. The truth sank back into my mind—the reality I would have to endure for the rest of my life until this pain would blend and settle. I had to lock up this pain. Mom needed me. I would get through this.

  Just as I got into bed, my cell rang. I was going to ignore it and just let it ring until I saw who it was.

  “Elijah, is everything okay?”

  “Hey, Seth. I was thinking of you. And don’t think perversely.” Elijah chuckled.

  “I was thinking of you too, Seth.” I heard Alex faintly in the background.

  “Do you need company?” Elijah continued.

  “Nah, I’m okay,” I fibbed. “But I’m in bed if Alex wants to join me.”

  “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” I could picture Elijah lifting a brow at me with an “I’ll kick your ass” look.

  I shook my head and laughed. It felt good to laugh after a cry. “I appreciate both of you checking up on me, but I’m tired. I’ll see you tomorrow, but I’ll be a little late. It doesn’t seem like Mom is going to be going to work tomorrow. I think I need to hire a manager to take over when I go back out West.”

  “Whatever you think is best. We’re here if you need us,” Elijah asserted. “I was thinking of your dad. He was a good man. He was there for me when I needed a father figure and I’ll never forget that. Do you remember that time when we were at your dad’s shop, and he just looked at me and knew something was up? He was always attentive that way and treated me like part of the family.”

  “He did, Elijah…he did. He really cared about you.”

  Elijah being one of my best buds, Dad had taken him in. Not in an obvious way because he didn’t want him to feel like it
was out of sympathy, but because he felt for him—because he was caring that way—and because Elijah was a genuinely good person and easy to like. I could recall one of the incidents that made me laugh.

  “Elijah? What’s up?” I was baffled. Elijah rarely came over during the afternoon, smack in the middle of the week.

  “Hey, Seth.” He gazed to his right. “Good afternoon, Phil.”

  “Elijah.” Dad seemed happy to see him. “How can I help you?”

  “I was wondering if you could check the brakes on my bike for me. I just want to make sure they’re working properly.”

  “Didn’t we check them a couple of months ago?” Dad picked up the tire pressure gauge.

  “Yes, but….” Elijah hesitated, ruffling the hair on the back of his head. “Just in case I give someone a ride on it. I just want to make sure it’s in perfect condition.”

  Dad bent down. “Sure, no problem. Let me check the tires first before I check the brakes. So, how’s it going with your roommate? Alexandria—right? The one you call Alex.”

  “Great.” His pitch went up a notch, then settled. “I mean, it’s not bad. It’s fine.”

  Elijah went around to the other side of the bike while I continued to do what I was doing, pretending not to listen.

  “So…have you kissed her yet?” Dad inquired.

  Elijah’s face flushed bright red. His cheeks looked like someone had slapped him—twice. He shoved his hands inside his pockets and took a step back. “I’ve kissed many girls, Phil. I have no idea which girl you’re talking about.”

  Dad made some grunting noise, twisting the knobs below. “I’ve met Alexandria. She seems like a good girl. The kind of girl that I would want you to be with instead of someone like—what’s her name?”

  “Clara,” I coughed out, and got back to what I was doing.

  Elijah glared at me, cleared his throat, and ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was antsy. Holy damn! He liked Alex. He was interested in her. I had to tell Jimmy, Elijah’s old roommate. He was the one that had set Alex up to room with Elijah when he found out Alex was going to the same college. His goal was for them to hit it off. Elijah didn’t know I was Jimmy’s spy. Yeah, I felt like an asshole, but it was for his own good. Sometimes, you just need that one person to help you through your worst, to help you find the happiness in life again. Someone to care for, someone to live for. I wondered if I’d ever find my someone.